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Feeding Life

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

Note: This story is a continuation of my last article, “A Fish Story.”

So, we’re sitting around the fire pit eating raw bison and… What? Oh, right. Sorry. I guess I should back up a little.

Well, the Salmon Incident gave us plenty of fodder for conversation. I could tell Mo was still processing this meat-eating thing. I was, too. When you invest years into supporting and promoting a specific set of truths and beliefs, you hang onto them… sometimes a little too tightly. We analyzed these truths and beliefs through different lenses, splaying them out on the table for dissection. The main issue that kept coming up for both of us was this idea of harm: Are we harming the animals when we’re eating them? Are we harming the environment by participating in animal and animal product consumption? Are we harming ourselves by incorporating these things into our diets? What do we mean by “harm,” anyway? And is this truly a question of harm?

A couple of weeks after The Salmon Incident, we had Frank Giglio and his wife, Camille, over for dinner. I was talking to Frank about what to make for dinner and we got to chatting about the salmon. He said that salmon was a pretty rich fish and that maybe Mo might prefer something a bit lighter like haddock or tilapia. I asked Mo if this was something she’d like to explore. She thought about it and said, “OK. I’ll try it, but I want to help prepare it.” (Admittedly, this is something that has pleasantly surprised me: since beginning this journey with eating meat, she’s wanted to be involved with meat gathering and prep before consuming it. I really respect that about her. She has such a tender heart that I wasn’t sure how that was going to play out, but this approach seems like it helps her to understand and appreciate what she’s participating in.)

The following Sunday found us sitting around the table, eating the local wild-caught haddock pan-seared in local raw butter. As I was getting others seconds, I overheard a bit of conversation between Frank and Mo. He was explaining about how life feeds on life and was detailing what’s involved in raising vegetables and raising animals. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear the whole thing, but what was interesting was watching Mo’s face. She has a lot of respect for Frank – something that she doesn’t parcel out easily. She was listening to what he was saying and I could see that she was putting it together in her head.

After they left, she brought up that conversation a few times and we continued to unpack it, thinking about it from different angles. One thing that kept coming up for us over and over was intentional eating. We’ve spent so much time researching local farms and questioning those farmers about their methods of breeding, raising, and killing practices. We’ve read articles and books about the best ways to prepare and consume the meats. We prepared the meats intentionally as a family and gave thanks at each meal. Were we ever this conscientious with our vegan meals? I mean, yes, we were conscientious, but I don’t think the spirituality was behind it quite as intensely as it has been with meat consumption. And should there really be any difference behind consuming animals?

We decided there really wasn’t. Life feeds on life. That’s where we’ve landed.

I believe we come to this place of intentionality because of our journey with food. Going from vegetarian to vegan to raw vegan was a slow, years-long cleansing physically, mentally, and spiritually. We’ve learned how to live with less, how to provide for ourselves, and how to be with our food.

So, when Daniel Vitalis came over the other night with the beautiful piece of raw local bison, we ritualized it. We took that and the local chicken that I’d marinated in my homemade honey mustard and went down to our fire pit. We spent time learning how to manually start a fire, appreciating our beautiful grove, and got warmed up. As darkness approached, we sampled the bison and chicken raw (both surprisingly delicious) and then tried some lightly cooked over our makeshift spit, eating everything by hand.

And the entire time Mo was present, respectful of the animal, and very clear spiritually. It’s true that nothing can prepare you for parenting – mainly because you never know what gifts your child is bringing with them. Thanks, Mo.

Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt is a raw foods chef and teacher and owner of Rite Food and Company (www.ritefoodandcompany.com), which offers workshops on intentional and joyful eating. Lisa Marie and her homeschooled daughter, Mo, record a weekly podcast – called Sweet Peas Podcast – chronicling their raw foods journey together.

Posted in Family, Food for Thought, Inspiring Families, Raw food, Wild Parenting | No Comments »

A Fish Story

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

Mo has this uncanny ability to make the supposed mundane have great spiritual significance. Take the fish incident.

Over the past 13 years or so, my family has moved through a myriad of dietary choices. We’ve gone from vegetarian to vegan to raw vegan and are now focusing on a whole food approach. We still consume a lot of raw vegan foods, but have been experimenting with incorporating raw, local, organic dairy (such as homemade goat’s milk kefirs and chevres and raw butters), local eggs, and sprouted and cooked whole grains. We have had amazing success with this, I believe, because we cleaned out our systems first with a high raw vegan diet. Also, after reclaiming our stomachs and their true needs, we’ve all gained a new perspective on appropriate portions. Now, when we eat, it is from a place of true appreciation – for the taste of the food, yes, but more for its medicinal value. Our food consumption has truly become ritualistic in nature… something I’ve been striving for for years.

So, when the idea of meat came up, we had to talk. Mo, who’s been a vegetarian all her life, decided she’d like to try some fish, specifically salmon. She told us that she’s been getting signs from the Divine that are all pointing her towards salmon. We listened. We talked a lot about what bringing home salmon, cooking it, and consuming it would mean for our family. We are the family that has never had meat touch our dishes, our utensils, or any of our cookware. Would this change anything spiritually for our house? Would it be possible to do this in a way that fostered honour and reverence for all involved – including the fish?

The night we decided to do this, we had a massive rainstorm. The wind was howling and the rain was being slashed sideways. Mo said, “I think it’s cool that it’s raining outside. The Water energy wants us to pay attention tonight.” In our religion, the Water Element symbolizes emotions, flexibility, growth, change, fluidity. It was a great observation given the situation. This was the weather I ventured into to find our fish.

Because fresh salmon is hard to find this time of year, I went to a natural foods store and picked up a pound of the best salmon I could find. (We have a great market here that carries amazing “natural” meats.) I brought it home and we all stood around while I opened the package. “Wow, it smells strong,” said Mo. “Can I touch it?” Jim and I encouraged her to touch it, pick it up, notice the way that the fish felt in her hands, and think about how those muscles needed to move in the environment it was living in. Jim discussed the way that salmon can move from fresh water to salt water. We talked about the symbolism of the fish jumping upstream to mate and the mythology inherent in the salmon’s wisdom.

Jim and Mo then rubbed melted coconut oil, garlic, lime juice, black pepper, and sea salt into the fish, covered it, and baked it. Before we sat down to eat, we said a prayer to thank the fish and to ask for some of its wisdom.

As we were sitting down to take our first bite, Mo said she was nervous, that this was a huge step for her. This was hard for me. I was raised on meat and had a familiarity with it that she’s never had. I had none of this trepidation. She took the first bite and said, “Wow. It’s really good. It kind of taste like mushrooms.” I loved the irony: a vegetarian kid trying to fit the fish into the only world she’s known!

She ended up eating only half her portion, claiming that it was really rich – which I thought was cool of her. She’s always been so good at listening to her body. I asked her how it felt to eat it: did she feel different energetically? How did it feel in her stomach? “It’s a lot to process. There’s a lot going on at one time,” she said. I let it go at that.

The next morning she came to me and said, “I’ve done a lot of thinking and praying about this, and I think that I don’t want to eat meat. I’m glad I tried it, but I don’t think it’s for me right now.” I told her that was absolutely OK and that I probably wouldn’t be eating it again for a while myself. “It was pretty intense, hungh?”

Maybe that salmon did pass some of its wisdom onto us after all.

Tags: children, conscious parenting, Food for Thought, Lisa Marie's Thoughts
Posted in Wild Parenting | 5 Comments »

Apportioned Guidance

Sunday, February 14th, 2010 by admin

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

“Mo, you just had a salad an hour ago! Why are you eating again?!”

Mo, whose face was shoved in the fridge, now turns to me. Her eyes are ablaze with a look she has crafted over the past year. This look is intended to shoot laser beams and make me question my self-worth. A couple of days, this look has worked; most days I just respond with exasperation.

“Mom! Gah! Duh! Because I’m hungry! Hel-LO! Isn’t that why most people eat?!”

OK, the attitude was annoying, but what was even more annoying was that she was making a valid point. Why was I questioning her hunger? Why do I never ask her to validate her thirst? Where was this coming from? Was I reiterating some old programming taught to me by my gramma? I grabbed some chocolate, got a pen and paper, and went into my room to do some thinking.

What were some of the messages I received as a kid around food consumption?

My food was doled out to me by the adults and I was expected to clean my plate. If I didn’t get enough to eat, I couldn’t have seconds or I’d get fat. If I was still hungry after dinner, I offered to clean the kitchen so I could munch on leftovers.
Dinner was eaten with the family – no matter if I was hungry or not.
If I was hungry, I couldn’t eat until the appointed meal time.
Snacks were only eaten in the mid-afternoon and could only be an apple or an orange.
Dessert was only eaten at special occasions and/or only after dinner. Other sweets were eaten in secret.
Drinks of any variety (i.e., Coke, sweet tea) could be consumed at any time.

In other words, adults determined when I was hungry and what I could eat. My “job” was to do as I was told… and then rebel and eat in secrecy. For me, these messages bred a break in communication between me and my body – something I’ve been working to re-establish for years. These messages also reiterated the power-over dynamic adults often used with children. Food is the ultimate weapon for many adults; withholding as punishment or rewarding with “treats” is a common theme in this culture. So, what would happen if I took the emotions out of play? What would happen if my job was simply to provide a house full of healthy food and let her make decisions around her food consumption? Could I trust that all my education and nurturing had actually sunk in?

Armed with my new experiment, I began the trial the next day. Here was my first observation: Mo went to the fridge and started rifling through, looking for a snack. I bit my tongue and didn’t ask what she was doing or make a snarky comment about her wasting electricity by keeping the door hanging open. I also didn’t say anything about the fact that we’d just finished lunch a half hour ago. I continued doing the dishes. Eventually, she asked me what she could have as a snack.

“What does your body say it needs? A drink or something to eat?” I asked casually.

She did the pre-teen sigh and said, “I don’t know.” And then she closed the door and said, “I think I’m just eating because I’m bored. Maybe I should just make a hot tea. Would you play Uno with me?”

Inside, I was jumping up and down with joy and excitement – for her and for myself. Outside, I said, “Yeah, sure. What kind of tea you want?”

As I was making our cups of tea, I realized that a lot of energy went into worrying about Mo. Have I done enough? Given her the right tools? Been a good enough example? And I think I’m done with putting all that energy into doubting. Today I trusted and today the results were good. And if on some days they aren’t, then I have to trust that we’ll be able to work through it… because I think the education and nurturing has sunk in… for both of us.

Tags: children, conscious parenting, Lisa Marie's Thoughts, love
Posted in Food for Thought, Inspiring Families, Wild Parenting | 5 Comments »

Wild Parenting

Monday, February 8th, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

I’m still working on unpacking, understanding, and integrating the information I received from Daniel Vitalis’ talk in October. One bit in particular really struck me: his concept of the origin of domestication and our responsibility to become feral beings. As an example of this, he spoke about the importance of incorporating more wild edibles into our diet. That resonated with me.
Jim and I have been doing a lot of research lately on foraging, especially for medicinal plants and edible mushrooms. The culmination of these activities is, ideally, the undoing of damage done by domestication.

Domestication is defined as “tameness; to overcome the wildness of.” Feral is defined as “is one that has escaped from domestication and returned, partly or wholly, to a wild state.” Most people understand these words in the context of animals, mainly pets, and Daniel expounded on this to include, among many others, our lawns, methods of Western food production, our system of government, and… each other. The idea of domestication was not new to me. I’d heard variances of it in my college philosophy courses – Marx, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Foucault. However, the idea of feral was new. And how these two come together in terms of parenting is profound.

I don’t remember Daniel mentioning parenting, per se; but I remember listening to him and feeling something unlock in my head. It was audible, a resounding click, a turning, a creak of a door opening.

***

“Mom, I’m going to take a walk in the forest. I’m bringing Edgrrr with me.”

My immediate thought: AGH! No! Don’t bring the damn dog! He’ll get all muddy and I’ll have to wash him and it’ll be a big damn deal! And don’t climb on anything! I don’t want you covered in leaves and crap!

What I said was: “Cool. Don’t wear those dress-up boots though. Wear your sneaks, please.”

As Mo was changing her shoes, our dog – a 13-pound miniature poodle – excitedly paced back and forth around her legs. His was wearing that dog smile, as we call it, and was looking up at her expectantly. Mo opened the door, and he busted through, leaping onto the porch. Mo ran out after him. I stood there staring at the door for a while, thinking about my reaction.

***

When I am parenting Mo, I am ideally trying to guide her on her path while not giving into my power-over desires. We chose to homeschool because it afforded something we knew she could never get in a public school setting: virtually unlimited exploration time. But I struggle with this. I struggle with the learned inclination of wanting to make another Good Citizen™. For example,
she’ll burst into a fit of giggles while working on her grammar and I’ll find myself getting irritated because it will seem she’s lost her focus. Or she’ll clean her room and do things at speeds that work for her and I’ll find myself questioning her productivity. Or she’ll work on a sewing project and I’ll find myself getting frustrated because she’s not completing the task in a way that I
would deem efficient.

As an informed, enlightened parent, my responsibility should be, I believe, to refrain from my pull toward domestication. Almost more importantly, I have to work on undoing all the domestication I’ve been subjected to. So, I am having to find my inner wildness, to find those parts of me that want to burst out laughing, to do things ass backwards, to play in the mud
without a thought to stain remover. This is challenging, to say the very least.

In my family, we’re all doing this work together, communicating openly about the pitfalls, struggles, and accomplishments. We bash up against each other, each on our own course, our own path, living in our own authentic state. But we remind each other that we are operating from a place of love and always with each other’s best intentions at heart.

I’m not sure where we’re going to end up, but a feral family is on the horizon. Clad we may be in animal skins and eating mushrooms, but at least we’ll be that much closer to the Divine.

Tags: children, conscious parenting, mindset
Posted in Health and Wellness, Inspiring Families, Tips for Moms, Uncategorized, Wild Parenting | No Comments »

Warming Advice

Sunday, February 7th, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

I was born in Georgia where the temperatures range from hot to dang hot. That’s it. No real variable to speak of. I can’t remember ever wearing a hat as a kid. Actually, I remember complaining once that I was chilly and someone suggesting that I put on a hat to stay warmer. I stood there, utterly confused, trying to figure out how anyone could contemplate wearing a hat after spending 45 minutes spraying their hair. (When I was a teenager, proper hair placement was imperative.) Maybe that’s why more people use hairspray in the South.

As you can imagine, when I moved to Maine, I had a bit of a climate shock. I’ve been here for 15 years and am still adjusting… though it’s gotten a bit easier. Last winter was my first winter as a raw foodist and I’ve learned some valuable lessons about staying warm.

Are you wearing enough clothes?

OK, this may seem logical, but I’ll walk around my house in the winter in shorts and a t-shirt and hear myself complaining about being cold. We keep the heat between 68 and 70, so that should be pretty livable. I finally decided to try out that hat advice and put one on with my shorts and t-shirt. It really works! Now this may only be a solution for those with shaved heads, so find your own article of clothing that may be missing and give it a shot. Rarely is our entire body cold; it’s usually just one part. So, take care of warming that one part and the rest will usually follow.

Are you moving around?

Most of us are not getting enough exercise. I know I’m not. If I’ve been sitting at the computer for a while and getting a bit chilly, I’ll get up and do some jumping jacks or Breaths of Joy (fantastic yoga movement for increasing your heart rate). We weren’t meant to be sitting at computers for hours at a time or watching TV all day. Your body wants to move around. Make sure to continually honour your body by doing just that!

What are your thoughts?

This is huge for me. If I’m cold, my immediate, habitual response is to complain. Our bodies don’t want to be cold. They love being warm and pliable. They love freedom of movement and not being constricted by massive amounts of down and wool. When we get cold, we sometimes get cranky. But getting cranky means that you are energetically stagnating. When you choose to hold onto a negative emotion or thought, you are blocking movement of energy and are miring yourself in the “crank.” Make the decision to have another response. When I get cold now, I purposely jump up and laugh and say, “Wow! It’s brisk! This is awesome!” I focus on appreciating the cold to better appreciate the warmth. I work on feeling grateful for this change in weather to deepen my relationship with the Earth. In the beginning, you may feel silly, and that’s OK. Silly is better than cranky.

What are you eating?

I leave food for last. I am changing my relationship to food and have to be careful not to rely on food to do my work for me – even warming me up. Having said that, there are several foods and drinks you can work with to help keep the blood flowing in the colder months. Teas are a fantastic way to warm up and get medicinal herbs into your body. Purposely choose teas that will benefit your body. Learn more about herbs and their properties and explore some different combinations. Miso soups are also a great way to warm up and satisfying that savory food craving. Generously add warming spices to your foods like cayenne, turmeric, ginger, garlic, black pepper, cardamom, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves to open up those blood vessels! There are also some foods that warm the body because of the energy needed for digestion. These include root vegetables, walnuts, and dates. (Check out Karen Knowler’s article, “How to Make Raw Food Taste HOT!”, for more delicious ideas!)

Winter can be challenging for a lot of people. Find the joy in this season and celebrate the differences in Nature and in you during this time of year.

Tags: Food for Thought
Posted in Inspiring Families, Wild Parenting | No Comments »

Strictly Speaking

Thursday, February 4th, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

Have you ever had someone comment on your diet seeming “strict” because of what you’re not eating? I love this! I taught an introductory raw foods class recently. At the beginning of these classes, I give the definition of raw foods as centering around fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and sprouted grains… and then I pause to check reactions. They’re always the same: a little glazed-over stare and then the mumbled, “Um, OK. That’s it…?” I love this part of class because I can see people’s minds spinning. They’re about to go into panic and rejection mode: “This diet has too many restrictions. Forget it!”

Well, I wish my students were here now. I am typing this article while eating my Top Secret Recipe Raw Vegan Chocolate Candy while drinking yerba mate tea with honey… for breakfast. Help me! I’m suffering over here because of my restricted diet! (Note: That was sarcasm.)

But, seriously, let’s look at this idea of restriction. When I became vegetarian, almost everyone I told reacted the same way: “Oh, man. I don’t know if I could live without meat.” When I became vegan, people bemoaned that perceived loss as well: “No dairy, eggs, or refined sugar? Not me!” Raw vegan? “No bread?!?” What’s happening here? Why did no one comment on how good I must be feeling? Why did no one say, “That’s awesome! I couldn’t imagine living without my green juices!”

American society seems to be focused on choice – having choice, having a myriad of choices, and ensuring that we always have the freedom to choose. When those choices are threatened or perceived as being threatened, we get defiant, we rebel, we puff up and defend our “freedoms”. But my challenge to my students – and to you – is to look at this on its head. What if we turned it around?

Many people I encounter are not happy with their health, their weight, or their food choices and they’re trying to find ways to change. Inevitably people list off their “sins”: pizza, cigarettes, alcohol, coffee, candy. I am then regaled with all the things they “know they should be doing”: exercise, greens, herbal teas, smaller portions. Sound familiar?

Ever wondered why it doesn’t work? Who wants to take away all the things that give them pleasure… to find health and happiness? Doesn’t this seem a little counter-intuitive? When I was transitioning over to a raw vegan diet, I found myself eating mostly raw and vegan… and then ordering pizza in. At first, I really struggled with the hypocrisy of it. Then, I realized that, at the time, I associated pizza and a movie with my family as something that brought me joy. Over the next few months, those pizza orders got further and further apart as I began to work on my emotions around food and incorporate healthier foods into my diet. We haven’t ordered pizza in months and, more importantly, I don’t crave it. I couldn’t start from a place of subtraction and denial; I had to start with adding and accepting and working with.

I remember telling a student once, “I don’t care if you eat steak or not, if you’re enjoying it – but you have to define enjoyment for yourself. Where does it start for you? Is it in the eating of the food? How the food was produced? How was it packaged? What your emotions were when you were preparing it? Who you were eating it with?” What’s really missing in our health is not some magical cure-all pill or goji berries or green smoothies. What’s really missing is joy, intention, and appreciation.

If we can start thinking in terms of adding things back into our lives and, hence, our diets, then we’ll begin to understand that the real restriction was our separation of ourselves from our experiences and our food. The more you begin to add healthier options and attitudes to your diet, the less room you will have for the unhealthier ones.

So, when people ask me now if I feel like I’m missing out on certain foods because of my dietary choices, I always say, “Dude, I have candy for breakfast. Are you kidding?!”

Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt is a raw foods chef and teacher and owner of Rite Food and Company, which offers workshops on intentional and joyful eating. Lisa Marie and her homeschooled daughter, Mo, record a weekly podcast – called Sweet Peas Podcast – chronicling their raw foods journey together.

Tags: Food for Thought, health, Raw food, raw foods, raw mom
Posted in Food for Thought, Wild Parenting | 4 Comments »

How the Cookie-Pusher Changed My Perspective

Sunday, January 31st, 2010 by admin

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

Mo and I flew to Atlanta last summer to visit my grandparents. I love my grandparents. They’re a total riot… and I don’t think intentionally so. Take, for example, the day they took us to lunch. My grandmother confessed that she just couldn’t bear the thought of not being able cook us a lunch, so she decided to deal with it the only way she knew how: she took us to the local steakhouse so that we could partake in their salad bar.

molm

This salad bar was much like every other steakhouse salad bar in the South. Not only did we have our choice of iceberg lettuce or iceberg lettuce, but we also got to choose from a variety of canned fruits, unnamed chunks of pressed meats, and puddings with skin. Mo and I were in heaven. How could we not be with plates piled high with iceberg lettuce and cherry tomatoes? We thought we’d hit the jackpot! “Just eat what you can and I’ll take you out later,” I said in my best ventriloquist impersonation.

“Don’t y’all want any boiled eggs or cheese for that salad?” asked my concerned grandmother when we returned to the table. “It’s just that the baby here’s looking a bit thin.” Mo, then 11, by the way, is the baby. We politely declined and proceeded to eat our food with greatest gusto we could muster.

When Mo went for her second plate, my grandmother discreetly got up from the table. As I continued eating, I watched my grandmother go to the desserts counter, grab something, and corner Mo by the salad bar. I saw Mo talking to her, but couldn’t tell what was being said. Later I learned that my grandmother had been attempting her usual Granny Coercion Tactics: “Why don’t you just have a cookie? You don’t have to tell your mother. I can’t believe she makes you eat this way!” Mo later told me she responded, “She doesn’t make me eat this way. I’m choosing to.” I remember seeing my grandmother returning to the table, looking defeated, and munching on the swiped cookie.

As Mo recounted the cookie incident to me that night, I thought, Man, when I was her age, I would have never turned down a cookie! When I was her age, I was eating fast food, buckets of candy, and, basically, anything on offer. So, what happened in the chasm between my grandmother and my daughter? What did I learn from my grandmother and my mother that would have spurned me, a raw vegan?

So many raw foodists that I’ve run into have said that they chose their lifestyle from a place of lack – lack of health, lack of nutrition, lack of energetic attunement. I chose mine from an abundance of love and excitement. Yes, those other pieces were and are important to me, but the joy of eating and the appreciation of eating in company… those I got from my grandmother. Some of the funniest and sweetest memories I have of my childhood center around food. And, yes, we may have been eating Burger King at the time, but the feelings of love were fat and plenty.

I understand that when my grandmother was pressing that cookie onto Mo that it wasn’t from a place of deviousness. I know her. She struggles with comprehending how someone could not want to share a joy-filled taste experience. For her, this sharing is connexion, intimacy. I feel this way, too, when I offer someone a taste of my latest creation. I love her for that gift.

I used to be angry at my maternal lineage. Sometimes I would get so despondent from having to undo all the years of unhealthy eating. Focusing on that negativity left me exhausted. In order to heal, I began to recognize that I couldn’t have gotten here if I wasn’t intelligent, compassionate, and appreciative of the humour of it all… all the things I learned from grandmother. This path from my grandmother to my kid may be lined with fried foods and double-iced birthday cakes, but underneath that is a real love, a real need to feel close to someone.

In order to honour my path, I have to honour my grandmother’s and my mother’s… and all the women before them. I have to see that each of them learned from their mothers and believe that they tried to improve upon what they were taught. It’s so exciting to think that Mo will take my lessons around food and eating and push them up a notch. Where will she end up? What will she teach her children? And will I get my chance push a raw vegan cookie on them?

Tags: children, conscious parenting, Raw food, raw foods, raw mom
Posted in Family, Food for Thought, Inspiring Families, Raw food, Wild Parenting | No Comments »

It’s Hard To Be A Martyr

Saturday, January 16th, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

lisamarie-dgrrr

Does this ring a bell for you? You’re unloading your groceries onto the conveyor belt at your local grocery store. You’re throwing organic, grain-fed chicken (for your raw dog, of course) up there, some local apples, maybe a couple of boxes of shee-shee organic tea harvested specially from some little town in the Andes where the only source of income for the indigenous peoples are from the farming of this tea… As you’re piling up your well-thought-out purchases, you happen to glance at the customer’s cart behind you. You notice the Ho-Hos, the frozen Hungry Man dinners, the drums of Sunny D, and can after can of meat chili. Your eyes nonchalantly travel up to the customer himself. You see a man with someone you presume is his son. Both are heavy, looking disheveled, and generally conveying an air of grump. You mentally shake your head and start connecting the dots from their diet to their appearance. After you pay for your groceries, you walk out of the store praising yourself for having the intelligence to rise above the muck and mire of the SAD diet.

Or what about this one? You make a beautiful dinner for your family of baked delicata squash, brown rice with local, raw, organic butter, and a hearty kale salad. When it’s time to serve up everyone’s plate, you cram your plate with kale salad, taking only minuscule amounts of the rice and squash. You serve everyone else’s plate to their liking, making sure they’ve seen the portion ratio on your plate. Once their plates are clean, they head back up to the stove for a second helping… of rice and butter. You say, “There’s plenty of kale salad left, if you want some of that, too,” but they decline. You mentally shake your head and start connecting the dots from their diet to any malady they may currently be experiencing. As you’re cleaning up, you eye the rice and butter, wanting another serving. Of course, you can’t because that would send the wrong message to the other family members that look up to you for guidance on their health quest.

It’s hard to be the martyr. I know. I’ve been one for years. I think I am coming to the realization that others may not be perceiving me as a martyr though. This is shocking. I have invested a lot of time researching nutrition, a lot of money trying out different recipes, and a lot of energy being the example for others. How dare they not understand all I am doing to sacrifice myself for their health?!?! … OK. So, of course, I am saying all this tongue-in-cheek, but this is a real issue – for me and for other women I know. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this recently because I’ve found myself exhausted, exhausted from always having to be “on,” always having to make the “right” decision. I’ve been living my life for other people’s reactions. But in mulling this over, another thought came to the fore: Is judging wrong? And where does compassion fit into all this?

This compassion thing is new to me. I was never taught this concept outright as a child. Therefore, my understanding of it has gotten all screwed up. My husband says compassion literally means “to suffer with.” What if you could break everything down to suffering – meaning, somehow or another our needs are not being met on some level? Could we be better equipped to relate to others? I believe we could because then the emotional baggage that we create around judging would be a moot point.

Many of us get mired in defining judging as something bad. But it is not the judging that is bad; it is what you do with this judging that defines the quality of the judgement. The literal definition of judgement is “the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions; the mental ability to understand and discriminate between relations.” So, if we see someone in a grocery store with a buggy loaded down with processed food, we can make a judgement or draw a conclusion about that particular person. But, and herein lies the rub: listen to yourself as you are judging. What conclusions have you drawn? How are you characterizing that person? Are your conclusions helpful or compassionate? What is your investment in judging this person in a certain way? Does your judgement validate you in any way?

These are hard questions. It takes a heck of a person to be able to go through this process and respond honestly and, most importantly, to act compassionately. But the first place to start is with yourself: how are you judging yourself? And, more importantly, are you able to respond to that judgement compassionately? Can you respect the path you are on as a process?

That’s your homework assignment. Let me know how you do. As for myself, I think I’ve got a special place for that Martyr Award… in the closet.

Tags: conscious parenting, Lisa Marie's Thoughts, Raw food, raw mom
Posted in Food for Thought, Uncategorized, Wild Parenting | 4 Comments »

The Birthing Process

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

In the Pagan tradition, Yule is the birthing time. The Goddess is great with child and is in labor to bring forth the Sun. The Winter Solstice also being the longest night of the year symbolizes that deep doubt and darkness that we can sometimes feel as we are going through our own birthing processes. And so, instead of mourning the fear and moaning over the pain, the Goddess encourages us to have hope and to celebrate this new birth, to create a welcoming home for this new child.

Yeah. Right.

You know, when I put my family’s traditions in the context of this lovely story, it’s easy to feel like the world will just fall into place. Hey, I remember when I gave birth. I wasn’t thinking about celebrating and latch-hooking the welcome mat; I wanted this kid out! And I think that’s how most of us approach change. We don’t want to go through all the labor, all the pains, the gradual transitioning, the learning process. We don’t want to enjoy the sites along the way; we want to just Be There.

molm

The other day, Mo was relating a story to me about her views on spirituality. She ended it by saying, “I don’t want a religion; I want a relationship.” This was profound for me. She’s been frustrated lately by the idea of boxing her religion – and I would wager her beliefs in general – into the one category of Paganism. We have both been beginning to feel that our views, our ethics, our principles for life are more encompassing. I think that Paganism being an Earth-centric philosophy and religion (some would argue that Paganism isn’t a religion… but that’s another article) still works for me on a lot of levels. The stories are beautifully symbolic and keep me grounded in the Wheel of the Year and the happenings of my internal and external environments. But Mo’s point is well-taken: to be in relationship implies that the person has an intimate ongoing communication with whatever it is that person is calling Divine (or God or Goddess or whatever works best for you).

The idea of being in relationship with something means that you not only have to value the thing or person that you are in relationship with, but you also must value the process of that eternally-changing relationship. And let’s admit it: this sucks. OK. Maybe not with all things. But I am thinking specifically of my relationships with food and money. And, of course, let’s not forget about those relationships with people you can’t change, like my sometimes angst-filled daughter and my oftentimes pig-headed husband! I’m kidding about the relationship with them sucking, but you get my point: being in relationship means that you have to consider the other party’s opinions, input, influence. And this can be incredibly difficult – especially in relationships with inanimate objects like food or money.

So, where do we start with acknowledging relationship? How can we find peace with this sometimes painful process? Is it possible to recognize the path as a awe-inspiring, even a joy-riddled one?

The hard truth is that this whole process starts with you admitting that you have to stand where you are at all times. You have to start with saying, “OK. I am right here, right now. Now what is the best decision I can make? What does this relationship feel like right now? Where do I want it to go? How can I work with in order to get where I want?” And most importantly… you have to be willing to let go of outcome. This is the sucky part.

The part of the story that I like most about the Goddess giving birth to the Sun is this idea of faith: will the Sun return? Because the bottom line is that none of us really know for sure. The irony here is that most of us have more faith in the returning of the sun each day than we do in our relationships with people or finances. Can we put ourselves in a situation of unconditional trust in the Universe? Will we be taken care of? Will others reciprocate our love? Will we heal ourselves from our past? Will we make good choices around parenting our children? And will we be forgiven when we don’t?

We are in relationship with everything around us. How can we nurture those relationships defines the benefits we get. I don’t believe this is selfish. I believe this is a necessary part of thriving as a human being.

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Mourning Has Broken

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010 by Lisa

by Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt

MoLM

I heard somewhere that it takes 14 days to create a new habit. I think that’s crap. I think it takes a lot longer than that. Not only are you having to make the new habit a reality, but you have to mourn the old habit, honour that old habit. Those lovely old habits have helped you hobble through some tough times. They’re like the favourite mixing bowl that finally breaks after 20 years: you know it can be replaced, but there’s still sentimentality attached to it. My new habits can sometimes take months and months to stick because I want to usher the old ones out with gratitude and with grace… no matter how odd or unhealthy that old habit may be.

I recently went on vacation to visit my husband’s family. Jim’s family is incredibly large (by my standards, anyway), so we ended up attending a number of holiday parties. Each party had a similar set-up: buffet-style snicky-snacks, followed by another buffet-style dinner, followed by another buffet-style dessert selection. Of course, beer, wine, and assorted other alcoholic drinks were also available throughout. The set-up was always nice, the hostesses amazingly gracious, and the company was excellent.

It’s just that… I’m still in mourning. Or so I wanted to believe.

I found myself getting ready for each party and doing a quick body scan: am I hungry? Where is my head today in regards to my eating? Do I need to take any food or drink with me to make me feel more comfortable? This scan has been part of what I’ve been calling my Transitional Plan for almost two years now. When I first began transitioning to a much more intentional diet – one that included a higher percentage of raw foods, one that was more vegan and more local – I knew that I was the one that was going to have to provide for myself in every situation. I couldn’t just assume anymore that I would be able to find something to eat or drink. But this isn’t just about me being practical about my dietary needs; this is also an emotional journey. I knew that if I put myself in a social situation that the environment itself would be a trigger for me. When people are celebrating, there is an unspoken understanding that eating party-type foods is expected and encouraged. I find this ironic because we’re celebrating milestones in our lives and yet we’re eating and drinking things that discourage optimal health. This pattern then becomes infused in our day-to-day reality: we begin to look for reasons to celebrate, to eat these types of foods, in order to incorporate them more readily into our daily diets. So, the lowly celery stalk gets pushed to the side as an “appetizer.”

So, I found myself coming home each night to enter my food into my food blog and saw that the choices I made weren’t that hard after all. I didn’t eat any meat, any dairy, any eggs, any refined sugar, any wheat, drink any alcohol, and stayed almost 100% raw. I’d had a good time at the party and didn’t feel emotionally drained afterwards.

But the most important realization was that all of this wasn’t an effort anymore. I’d made all of these choices without angst, without feeling lack, or without feeling peer pressure. What did this mean? Had I truly crossed over into some new territory of myself?

I think – and don’t quote me here – but I think… that I’ve created a new habit. After 2 years of working through all the emotional baggage around parties and food, I believe I may finally be out of mourning. This by no means is the end of my journey with food and emotional eating; it’s just one piece. But it is cause for celebration.

Now… where’s that celery stalk?

Lisa Marie Lindenschmidt is a raw foods chef and teacher and owner of Rite Food and Company, which offers workshops on intentional and joyful eating. Lisa Marie and her homeschooled daughter, Mo, record a weekly podcast – called Sweet Peas Podcast – chronicling their raw foods journey together.

Tags: Mompreneurs, Raw food, raw foods, raw mom
Posted in Health and Wellness, Inspiring Families, Mompreneurs, Raw food, Transitioning from Cooked to Raw!, Wild Parenting | 1 Comment »